What do you do when things just aren’t okay?
I would love to start this post out with something positive, like an uplifting quote or a cute saying like “Happy Friday!” But right now, that’s not what this post is about. Sometimes, things are rough, and no matter how much self-care or positive thinking you do, you are just not okay. And that’s what I want to talk about today.
This week has been a pretty hard week for me personally. While anxiety and minor depression are a normal part of life for me, for the most part, I’m doing okay. I have a wonderful husband, a steady job, a beautiful baby girl on the way, and I’m fairly blessed with the things in life. And this kind of mess happens.
The past week I have been struggling with a lot of anxiety. And like a tornado, it swirls around and around in my head and drives me pretty darn crazy. Some thoughts I have are:
- Will I be a good enough mother to my child?
- Am I a good enough wife? I haven’t been doing chores as much as I should have, and I don’t cook as often as I use to.
- Why didn’t I get that promotion at work? I’m so bummed out about it.
- A family member tested positive for Covid-19, and I’m states away and can’t do anything to help them.
- I’m so worried about my grandparents and this pandemic. I wish I could be down there to be with them.
- Am I a good enough daughter? I feel like such a disappointment to my parents. What about my siblings? Am I a disappointment to them?
- Why am I so useless? I feel like I have no skills or talents at anything. Most people I know are good at something at least.
I think you get the picture. 😞
I’m certainly not a professional anything, so I don’t know what the right answer is for these questions. Deep down, I think I know some rational thoughts that come into my head. Have I ever done anything that would suggest that I would not be a good mom? And why am I so worried about being good enough to my husband, who constantly assures me that he’s fine with helping out extra around the house since this pregnancy has been so rough. I’m still not sure why I didn’t get the promotion, but I know I shouldn’t let it drag me down. I’m still working there and I still receive compliments and usually have pretty good days at work.
But rational thoughts can only get you so far when you deal with anxiety. It’s like a nasty little creature that sits deep in your chest. Most of the time, it’s sleeping and doesn’t bother you. But then suddenly it rears up it’s ugly little head and you can’t deal with it. At least, that is how it is for me. So when your anxiety feels like it’s own being, how do you combat that?
I’ll be honest with you: I don’t have a solid answer for this. I wish I did. Sometimes I can get over it pretty quickly. Other times, it’s like how it is for me and it takes me a week to feel better. I’ll share some of the tips I have learned so far:
- Get outside. Doesn’t matter what you do. Spread out a blanket in the grass and soak up some sun. Or go for a drive and listen to music. Get a little retail therapy if you want. Just get away from the house.
- Take the day off. Sleep in all morning if you can. Eat some junk food and watch your favorite movies all day. If you can allow yourself 24 hours to avoid responsibility and the other things that can weigh you down, I highly suggest on doing it.
- Cuddles. I’m a seriously cuddler. And thankfully my husband puts up with it. Something about having his arms wrap around me and hold me tight just feels like he’s holding me together sometimes. I seriously love this man.
- Scream, and shout, and let it all out. This is exactly what it sounds like. In a safe way, let out some of that frustration. Just be mindful of your surroundings.
I don’t know when I’ll bounce back into my normal, happier mood. I hope that it’s soon, I hate being this way. But until then, I’m going to take care of myself and work it out.
Stay happy folks. 💚